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~ Coffee
Break ~
March 25, 2007 |
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Welcome
friends,
I'm sure many of you are
anxious to here about my daughter's marathon.
Her'e an email I received from her:
Hello Everybody,
Just wanted you to know I very
successfully finished the marathon! My time was
very slightly better than Napa: 6:08:02.
Was hoping for 5 1/2 hours but couldn't quite make
that happen.
The weather was beautiful and
the sights along the race course were amazing.
Tricia and I ran together the whole time. My
mentee, Rob, whom we expected to finish in about 4
hours, suffered low blood sugar at the 26km mark
and had to be taken away in the ambulance.
Although he didn't run the full course, he did meet
Tricia and I at the 40 km mark and ran to the finish
with us! All 3 Burlingame team members finished
all together... Festive, yet sad at the same
time. Rob is doing much better and his spirits
are good.
The weather today is another
story. Pouring down rain and lots of wind...
Very reminiscent of Napa!!! My, what a
difference a day makes.
Well, we're off to meet
friends for dinner then we're going to the Piazza
Navona.
Hope all is well and everyone is
happy. Please thank everyone who supported me on
making this marathon successful.
Leanne
For those of
you who haven't been here lately my daughter Leanne
just returned from Rome, Italy where she
ran the Maratona della citt`a di Roma Full Marathon
(26.2 miles). She is a member of The Leukemia &
Lymphoma Society's Team In
Training.
Leanne wants me
to tell all of you how very grateful she is
for those of you who supported her in this
marathon. She also wants you to know she
appreciates your generosity and sensitivity to the needs
of others who are coping with what none of ever want to
face ... cancer. 
I sincerely
thank those of you who donated to the Lymphoma
Society on Leanne's behalf. If you didn't get a
chance to donate yet and would like to,
click the "Donate Now!" button to
the right. It will take you to a secure
page, which is encrypted for your security.
Where is this year
going? My, my it is time to get ready for
Easter. And our Easter page is a
good place to start.
I hope you enjoy this
week's Coffee Break. Your participation is welcome
and invited, so send us your jokes, trivia, things to
ponder, tips and noteworthy items. If you have
a suggestion of something you would like to see
here, be sure to let us know that,
too.
Take care and stay
in touch,
Joanne
Your San Francisco Bay Area
Real Estate Broker
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| Pulic Service
Announcement ... |
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On being safe ~ Contributed by Linda Jo
Bruton
Put your car keys beside your bed at night; if you
hear a noise outside your home or someone trying to get
in your house, just press the panic button for your car.
The alarm will be set off, and the horn will continue to
sound until either you turn it off or the car battery
dies.
This tip came from a neighborhood watch
coordinator. Next time you come home for the night
and you start to put your keys away, think of this: It's
a security alarm system that you probably already have
and requires no installation. Test it. It will go
off from most everywhere inside your house and will keep
honking until your battery runs down or until you reset
it with the button on the key fob chain.
It works if you park in your driveway or
garage. If your car alarm goes off when someone is
trying to break in your house, odds are the intruder
won't stick around ... after a few seconds all the
neighbors will be looking out their windows to see who
is out there and sure enough the criminal won't want
that.
And, remember to carry your keys while walking to
your car in a parking lot. The alarm can work the
same way there. This is something that should
really be shared with everyone. Maybe it could save a
life or a sexual abuse crime.
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Now, this weeks
Goodies ... |
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Apple's "I" Technology ~ Thanks to
Ms. Perrilee Pizzini
Mad TV -
Steve Jobs parody - Hilarious!
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Four letter
words ~ Thanks to Mr. Jim Knudsen
A young
couple got married and went on their honeymoon.
When they got back, the bride immediately called
her mother. "Well", said her mother, "so how was
the
honeymoon?"
"Oh
mama", she replied, "the honeymoon was
wonderful! So romantic ... " Suddenly she burst
out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we
returned, Sam started using the most horrible
language -- things I'd never heard before! I mean,
all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to take
me home! PLEASE MAMA!"
"Sarah, Sarah", her mother said,
"calm down! You need to stay with your husband and
work this out. Now, tell me, what could
be so awful? WHAT 4-letter words?"
"Please don't
make me tell you, mama," wept the
daughter. "I'm so embarrassed, they're just
too awful! COME GET ME,
PLEASE!!"
"Darling,
baby, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your
mother these
horrible 4-letter
words!"
Sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, Mama ...,
he used words like: dust, wash, iron, and cook
..."
"I'll pick you up in twenty minutes," said
the mother.
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How Big is Wal-Mart? ~
Thanks to Ms. Barbara
Jones
This is
mind-boggling!
1.
At Wal-Mart, Americans spend $36,000,000 every hour of
every day.
2. This works out to $20,928 profit every minute!
3. Wal-Mart will sell more from January 1 to St.
Patrick's Day (March 17th) than Target sells
all year.
4. Wal-Mart is bigger than Home Depot + Kroger +
Target + Sears + Costco + K-Mart combined.
6. Wal-Mart is the largest company in the history of
the World.
7. Wal-Mart now sells more food than Kroger &
Safeway combined, and keep in mind they did this in only
15 years.
8. During this same period, 31 Supermarket chains
sought bankruptcy including Winn-Dixie.
9. Wal-Mart now sells more food than any other store
in the world.
10. Wal-Mart has approx 3,900 stores in the USA of
which 1,906 are SuperCenters; this is 1,000 more than it
had 5 years ago.
11. This year, 72 billion different purchasing
experiences will occur at a Wal-Mart store. (Earth's
population is approximately 6.5 billion).
12. 90% of Americans live within 15 miles of a
Wal-Mart.
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Car for sale
~ Thanks to Mr. Jim Knudsen
Automobile for Sale: 1985 Blue Volkswagen.
Only 50 miles. Only first gear and reverse
ever used. Never driven hard. Original tires.
Original brakes. Original fuel and oil. Only 1
driver. Owner wishing to sell due to employment
lay-off.
Photo attached --- You HAVE to see this
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Marriage counseling ~ Thanks to Linda Jo
Bruton
A husband and wife came for counseling after 15
years of marriage. When asked what the problem
was, the wife went into a passionate, painful, tirade listing every
problem they had ever had in the 15 years they had been
married.
She went on and on and on: neglect,
lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved
and unlovable, an entire laundry list of un-met needs
she had endured over the course of their marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a
sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked
around the desk and, after asking the wife to
stand, whereupon
he embraced and kissed her passionately.
The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though
in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said,
"This is what your wife needs at least three times a
week. Can you do this?"
The husband thought for a moment and replied,
"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and
Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish."
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Stay
Safe ~ Thanks to Ms. Barbara
Jones
How to stay safe in the world today
1. Avoid riding
in automobiles because they are responsible for
20% of all fatal accidents.
2. Do not stay home because 17% of all accidents occur in the
home.
3. Avoid walking on streets or
sidewalks because 14% of all accidents occur to
pedestrians.
4. Avoid traveling by air, rail,
or water because 16% of all accidents involve these
forms of transportation.
5. Of the remaining
33%, 32% of all deaths occur in
Hospitals. So, ... above all else,
avoid hospitals.
BUT ... You will be
pleased to learn that only .001% of all deaths occur in
worship services in church, and these are usually
related to previous physical disorders. Therefore,
logic tells us that the safest place for you to be at
any given point in time is at church! ... And.... Bible study is safe
too. The percentage of deaths during Bible
study is even
less.
So ... for SAFETY'S sake -
Attend church, and read your Bible IT
COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE!
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A Claim
Adjuster's Story ~ Thanks to Mr. Jim
Knudsen
Three
contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the
White House in D.C. One is from
New Jersey, another is from Tennessee, and the third is
from Florida. They go with a White
House official to examine the fence.
The Florida
contractor takes out a tape measure and does some
measuring, then he works some figures with a pencil. "Well,"
he says, "I figure the job will run about $900:
$400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for
me."
The Tennessee
contractor also does some measuring and
figuring, then he says, I can do this job for $700:
$300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for
me."
The New Jersey
contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans
over to the White House official and whispers,
"$2,700."
The official,
incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the
other guys! How did you come up with such a high
figure?"
The New Jersey
contractor whispers back, "$1,000 for me, $1,000 for
you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the
fence."
"Done!" replies
the government official.
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Feeling the pinch ~
Thanks to Mr. Jim
Ward
The English are feeling the pinch in relation
to recent terrorist threats and have raised their
security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though security
levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A
Bit Cross" Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since
the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.
Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome” to a
"Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a
"Bloody Nuisance” warning level was during the great
fire of 1666.
Also, the French government announced
yesterday that it has raised its terror alert
level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher
levels in France are
"Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated
by a recent fire that destroyed France's
white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's
military capability.
It's
not only the English and French that are on a heightened
level of alert, Italy has
increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and
Excitedly" to “Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more
levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and
"Change Sides."
The
Germans also increased their alert state from
"Disdainful Arrogance" to “Dress in Uniform and Sing
Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels:
"Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."
Belgians,
on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the
only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out
of Brussels.
The
Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines
ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have
glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really
good look at the old Spanish navy.
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Glass-Winged Butterfly
~ Thanks to Ms. Barbara
Jones
Glasswing Butterfly, Lives in South
America
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A Modern Parable: The Auto
Industry ~ Thanks to Mr. Jim
Ward
A Japanese company (Toyota ) and an
American company (General Motors) decided to have a
canoe race on the Missouri River . Both teams practiced
long and hard to reach their peak performance before the
race.
On the big day, the Japanese won by a
mile.
The Americans, very discouraged and
depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the
crushing defeat. A management team made up of senior
management was formed to investigate and recommend
appropriate action.
Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8
people rowing and 1 person steering, while the American
team had 8 people steering and 1 person rowing.
Feeling a deeper study was in order,
American management hired a consulting company and paid
them a large amount of money for a second opinion. They
advised, of course, that too many people were steering
the boat, while not enough people were rowing.
Not sure of how to utilize that
information, but wanting to prevent another loss to the
Japanese, the rowing team's management structure was
totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 3 area
steering superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent
steering manager.
They also implemented a new performance
system that would give the 1 person rowing the boat
greater incentive to work harder. It was called the
"Rowing Team Quality First Program", with meetings,
dinners and free pens for the rower. There was
discussion of getting new paddles, canoes and other
equipment, extra vacation days for practices and
bonuses.
The next year the Japanese won by two
miles.
Humiliated, the American management laid
off the rower for poor performance, halted development
of a new canoe, sold the paddles, and canceled all
capital investments for new equipment. The money saved
was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses and
the next year's racing team was out sourced to India.
The End.
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Great Rescue ~ Thanks to Ms. Barbara
Jones
Passengers aboard a
luxurious cruise ship were having a great time when
a beautiful young woman fell overboard. Immediately
there was an 80-year-old man in the water
who rescued her.
The crew pulled them both
out of the treacherous waters. The captain was
grateful as well as astonished that
the white-haired old man performed such an act of
bravery. That night a banquet was given in honor of
the ship's elderly hero. He was called forward to
receive an award and was asked to say a few
words.
He said, "First of all, I'd like to know
who pushed me."
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Amish Elevator ~ Thanks to Mr. John
Lopez
An Amish boy and his father were
visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost
everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver
walls that could move apart and then slide back together
again. The boy asked,
"What
is this, Father"
The
father (never having seen an elevator)
responded,
"Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I
don't know what it is."
While
the boy and his father were watching with
amazement,
a fat old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the
moving walls
and
pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled
between them
into
a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his
father watched
the
small circular numbers above the walls light up
sequentially. They
continued
to watch until it reached the last number and then the
numbers
began
to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened
up again and
a
gorgeous, voluptuous 24-year-old blonde woman stepped
out.
The
father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said
quietly to his Son ... "Go
get
your mother."
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The Irish
Lass ~ Thanks to Ms. Sandra Freitas
As soon as she
had finished parochial school, a bright young girl named
Lena shook the dust of Ireland off her shoes and made
her way to New York where before long, she became a
successful performer in show business.
Eventually she
returned to her home town for a visit and on a Saturday
night went to confession in the church which she had
always attended as a child. In the confessional Father
Sullivan recognized her and began asking her about her
work. She explained that she was an acrobatic dancer,
and he wanted to know what that meant.
She said she
would be happy to show him the kind of thing she did on
stage. She stepped out of the confessional and within
sight of Father Sullivan, she went into a series of
cartwheels, leaping splits, handsprings and back
flips.
Kneeling near
the confessional, waiting their turn, were two
middle-aged ladies. They witnessed Lena's acrobatics
with wide eyes, and one said to the other:
"Will you just
look at the penance Father Sullivan is givin' out this
night, and me without me bloomers on!"
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| Picture of the Week - Thanks to Ms. Barbara
Jones |
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The first underwater restaurant of its
kind in the world ...
Hilton Maldives Resort & Spa -
5*Deluxe Ithaa undersea Restaurant, Rangali
Island
Contemporary fusion maldivian cuisine with
western and asian influences The Ithaa Restaurant sits 15 feet below the waves
of the Indian Ocean, surrounded by a coral reef and
encased in clear acrylic, offering diners 270-degrees of
panoramic underwater views. The restaurant is reached by
a wooden walkway from the nearby over-water Sunset Grill
Restaurant, and seats just 14 people for exclusive
dining with a real difference.
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I hope you
enjoyed this issue of Coffee Break. Your
comments and suggestions
are always welcome. When you come
across something funny or informative and in good
taste, please send it along. I would love
to include it with your name and our
thanks.
Be sure to visit
our Easter
page.
I leave you to
ponder what a good friend of mine shared with
me: "The happiest of people don't necessarily have
the best of everything; they just make the best of
everything that comes along their way."
Make it a good week, be
happy and and come back soon.
Joanne
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Joanne L. Gardiner,
Broker
e-PRO Realtor®
Advantage
Realty
Clock Tower Commerce
Center
3205 Whipple
Road
Union City, California 94587
(510)
429-4800 |
Our primary services in
the San Francisco Bay Area are:
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estate, Hayward real
estate, Castro Valley real estate, Danville
real estate, Dublin real estate, Fremont real
estate, Newark real estate, Niles real
estate, Pleasanton real estate, San Leandro
real estate, San Lorenzo real estate, San Ramon
real estate, Sunol real estate and Union
City real estate. Peninsula real
estate, Palo Alto real estate, Foster City
real estate, San Mateo real estate, San Carlos real
estate, Burlingame real estate, Belmont real estate,
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Types of real estate in
which we specialize: houses,
condominiums, townhomes, garden homes, PUDs, single
family homes, mobile homes, module homes, duets,
residential income property, duplexes, tri-plexes,
four-plexes, small apartment complexes and special
use properties.
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