Coffee Break 95 March 11, 2007 Welcome friends, Later this week my daughter Leanne will fly to Rome, Italy to run the Maratona della citt`a di Roma Full Marathon (26.2 miles) as a member of The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's Team In Training.  Leanne is very grateful to those of you who are supporting her in this marathon.  She wants you to know she appreciates your generosity and sensitivity to the needs of others who are coping with what none of ever want to face ... cancer. I sincerely thank those of you who donated to the Lymphoma Society on Leanne's behalf.  If you didn't get a chance to donate yet and would like to, click the Team in Training image.  It will take you to a secure page, which is encrypted for your security. Of course I will be bringing you an update on Leanne's run in Italy and an update on the donations.  She is still short about $1,500 in meeting her goal, so if you're so inclined, I hope you will contribute what you can. Don't forget we welcome your participation in Coffee Break. Send us your jokes, trivia, things to ponder, tips and noteworthy items. If you have a suggestion of something you would like to see here, be sure to let us know that, too. Take care and stay in touch, Joanne Your San Francisco Bay Area Real Estate Broker ... and temporary Irishman Our St. Patrick's Day page is open for your enjoyment.     Pulic Service Announcements ... Subject: Water or Coke ~ Contributed by Mr. Jim Knudsen WATER 1. 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated. (Likely applies to half the world population.) 2. In 37% of Americans, the thirst mechanism is so weak that it is mistaken for hunger. 3. Even MILD dehydration will slow down one's metabolism as 3%. 4. One glass of water will shut down midnight hunger pangs for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a University of Washington study. 5. Lack of water, the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue. 6. Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80% of sufferers. 7. A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on the computer screen or on a ! printed page. 8. Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast cancer by 79%., and one is 50% less likely to develop bladder cancer. Are you drinking the amount of water you should drink every day? COKE 1. In many states the highway patrol carries two gallons of Coke in the trunk to remove blood from the highway after a car accident. 2. You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of Coke and it will be gone in two days. 3. To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet bowl and let the "real thing" sit for one hour, then flush clean. The citric acid in Coke removes stains from vitreous china. 4. To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers: Rub the bumper with a rumpled-up piece of Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil dipped in Coca-Cola. 5. To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a can of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away the corrosion. 6. To loosen a rusted bolt: Apply a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola to the rusted bolt for several minutes. 7. To bake a moist ham: Empty a can of Coca-Cola into the baking pan, wrap the ham in aluminum foil, and bake. Thirty minutes before ham is finished, remove the foil, allowing the drippings to mix with the Coke for a sumptuous brown gravy. 8. To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of Coke into the load of greasy clothes, add detergent, and run through a regular cycle. The Coca-Cola will help loosen grease stains. It will also clean road haze from your windshield. Did you know ... 1. the active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid. It will dissolve a nail in about four days. Phosphoric acid also leaches calcium from bones and is a major contributor to the rising increase of osteoporosis. 2. To carry Coca-Cola syrup (the concentrate) the commercial trucks must use a hazardous Material place cards reserved for highly corrosive materials. 3. The distributors of Coke have been using it to clean engines of the trucks for about 20 years! Now the question is, would you like a glass of water or Coke?    Now, this weeks Goodies ... Irish Jokes ~ Thanks to Ms. Florence Pierson St. Patrick's Day is next Saturday, March 17th Definition of an Irish husband: He hasn't kissed his wife for twenty years, but he will kill any man who does. ----- Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk. ----- The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so often among themselves is that they're always assured of having a worthy opponent. ----- An American lawyer asked, "Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question?" "Who told you that?" asked Paddy. ----- Question - Why are Irish jokes so simple? Answer - So the English can understand them. ---- Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and announced, "Not guilty." "That's grand!" shouted Reilly. "Does that mean I can keep the money?" ---- Irish lass customer: "Could I be trying on that dress in the window?" Shopkeeper: "I'd prefer that you use the dressing room." ----- Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, "Is that you I hear spittin' in the vase on the mantle piece?" "No," said himself, "but I'm gettin' closer all the time." ----- Q. What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife? A. A bachelor. ------ Finnegan: My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two o'clock in the morning I can't break her of it. Keenan: What on earth is she doin' at that time? Finnegan: Waitin' for me to come home. ----- Slaney phoned the maternity ward at the hospital. "Quick!" He said. "Send an ambulance, my wife is goin' to have a baby!" "Tell me, is this her first baby?" the intern asked. "No, this is her husband, Kevin, speakin'." ---- "O'Ryan," asked the druggist, "did that mudpack I gave you improve your wife's appearance?" "It surely did," replied O'Ryan, "but it keeps fallin' off!" ----- Did you hear about the Irish newlyweds who sat up all night on their honeymoon waiting for their sexual relations to arrive? ----- My mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving up your sex life and then once a week people come in to tell you the details and highlights of theirs? ----- Father Guffy roared from the pulpit to his parishioners: "The drink has killed millions -- it rots their stomachs and they die in agony.  Smoking has killed millions -- it coats your lungs and you die in agony.  Overeating and consorting with loose women have also killed millions..." " 'Scuse me, Father," hollered Reagan from the back, "but what is it that kills the people who live right?   Aging #1 ~ Thanks to Mr. Jim Ward Dumb  Blondes ...  ~ Thanks to Ms. Barbara Jones Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat down next to an attractive blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.  The 10:00 PM news was just coming on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large  building preparing to jump. The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?" Bob replied, "You know, I bet he'll jump."    The blonde said, "Well, I'll bet he won't." Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!" Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob and said, "Fair's fair. Here's your money." Bob replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news and so I knew he would jump." The blonde replied, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."   Kids ~ Thanks to Ms. Sandra Freitas A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.  Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.  "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.' Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"   Aging #2 ~ Thanks to Mr. Jim Ward   Are We Kathlick? ~ Thanks to Ms. Florence Pierson Three little boys were concerned because they couldn't get anyone to play with them.  They decided it must be because they had not been baptized and didn't go to Sunday School.  So they went to the nearest Church ... but found only a Janitor there. One little boy said, "We need to be baptized because no one will come out and play with us. Will you baptize us?"  "Sure," said the Janitor.  He took them into the bathroom and dunked their little heads, one at a time, in the toilet bowl. Then he said, "You are now baptized!" When they got outside one of them asked, "What religion do you think we are?" The oldest one said, "We're not Kathlick, because they pour the water on you." "We're not Babtiss, because they dunk all of you in the water." "We're not Methadiss, because they just sprinkle water on you." Then the youngest one said, "Didn't you smell that water?" They all joined in asking, "Yeah! What do you think that means?" "I think it means we're Pisscopailians.   Urine Test ~ Thanks to Ms. Florence Pierson OF COURSE THIS IDEA WOULD NEVER WORK---- IT MAKES TOO MUCH SENSE!   Crossing the River ~ Thanks to Mr. Jim Knudsen 3 men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large, raging violent river. Needing to get on the other side, the first man prayed, "God, please give me the strength to cross the river."   Poof!  God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.   After witnessing that the second man prayed, "God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river."   Poof!   God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once.   Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed, "God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the river."   Poof!   He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.   GO AHEAD SEND THIS TO A WOMAN WHO NEEDS A GOOD LAUGH AND TO ANY MAN WHO CAN HANDLE IT!    Aging #3 ~ Thanks to Mr. Jim Ward   Aspiring Psychiatrists ~ Thanks to Ms. Florence Pierson Three aspiring psychiatrists, from three leading universities, were attending their first class on emotional extremes. "Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from Rice, "What is the opposite of joy?" "Sadness,'" said the student. "And the opposite of depression?" he asked the young lady from UT. "Elation," she said. "And you, sir," he said to the student from Texas A&M, "How about the opposite of woe?" The Texas A&M student replied, "Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up."   Cell Phones ~ Thanks to Mr. Jim Knudsen This is laugh out loud funny! Cell Phones Cause Accidents   Anyway ~ Thanks to an anonymous friend You can spend your whole life building something from nothing' and one storm can come and blow it all away Build it anyway You can chase a dream that seems so out of reach and you know it might never come your way Dream it anyway This world's gone crazy. It's hard to believe that tomorrow will be better than today Believe it anyway You can love someone with all your heart, for all the right reasons, and in a moment they can choose to walk away Love 'em anyway God is great. But sometimes life ain't good, and when I pray it doesn't always turn out like I think it should. But I do it anyway I pray anyway You can pour your soul out singing a song you believe in that tomorrow they'll forget you ever sang. Sing it anyway Yea - sing it anyway I sing I dream I love Anyway   Picture of the Week - Thanks to Ms. Florence Pierson Fresh air, blue sky, and a game of fetch. Nothing could be better! I hope you enjoyed this issue of Coffee Break. Your comments and suggestions are always welcome.  When you come across something funny or informative and in good taste, please send it along.  I would love to include it with your name and our thanks.  Be sure to visit our St. Patrick's Day page. Make it a good week, be happy and and come back soon. Joanne Joanne L. Gardiner, Broker e-PRO Realtor® Advantage Realty Clock Tower Commerce Center 3205 Whipple Road Union City, California 94587 (510) 429-4800 Our primary services in the San Francisco Bay Area are: East bay real estate,  Hayward real estate, Castro Valley real estate,  Danville real estate, Dublin real estate, Fremont real estate,  Newark real estate, Niles real estate, Pleasanton real estate, San Leandro real estate, San Lorenzo real estate, San Ramon real estate, Sunol real estate and Union City real estate. Peninsula real estate, Palo Alto real estate, Foster City real estate, San Mateo real estate, San Carlos real estate, Burlingame real estate, Belmont real estate, Half Moon Bay real estate Types of real estate in which we specialize:  houses, condominiums, townhomes, garden homes, PUDs, single family homes, mobile homes, module homes, duets, residential income property, duplexes, tri-plexes, four-plexes, small apartment complexes and special use properties.