Coffee Break 90 February 4, 2007 Welcome to Coffee Break! Like many of you, I watched the Super Bowl as I did last year, too.  To me, it seemed liked more time was spent watching commercials than watching the game, which isn't a complaint, just an observation.  And, since the Cubs didn't win I would have to say I liked the commercials more than the game.  You see, my daughter-in-law is from Chicago and since she joined our family we root for da Cubs and da Bears.   For those of you following my daughter's efforts to raise money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society I hope you will get behind her and make a donation. While she has raised more than $2,600 so far, she only has until March to meet her goal of $6,100. Your tax deductible donation of any amount will be greatly appreciated not only by me and Leanne, but by those stricken with these dread diseases.  We welcome your participation in Coffee Break. Send us your jokes, trivia, things to ponder, tips and noteworthy items.  If you have a suggestion of something you would like to see here, be sure to let us know that, too. Take care, Joanne Your San Francisco Bay Area Real Estate Broker    Computer Tip from Dummies.com ... Avoiding a Variety of Viruses The Internet brings the world to your doorstep, but it also brings hoaxters, scam artists, and phishers. Without the right protection, your computer is subject to getting sick from a virus. Viruses come in these different shapes and forms. E-mail virus: This kind of virus reproduces itself by going into the recipient's Address Book, taking down names, and e-mailing itself to tens or hundreds of people at once. It's important to remember that no virus can spread inside an e-mail message. Viruses travel by e-mail, but not inside messages -- they travel in files attached to e-mail messages. Time bomb: This is a virus that is programmed to lie quietly in wait on a computer until the appointed hour, when it "explodes" and causes damage. Trojan horse: This virus masquerades as one kind of program but is really another. The game you thought you downloaded turns out not to be a game at all, but a virus. Trojan horses travel on the Internet by stealth, not by reproducing themselves quickly like other viruses. Worm: This is a virus that quickly makes copies of itself on many computers. Worms infect a security hole in a network, and when they are inside the network, quickly copy themselves from computer to computer. Code Red, the most notorious worm, copied itself to a quarter-million computers during one day in July 2001. Viruses slow Internet traffic. They clog computer networks. They make computers run more slowly by tying up a computer's processor. They destroy important files. Always be on the alert for viruses, and make sure that antivirus software is installed on your computer. Source: Dummies.com     Special Announcement ... "Fetch-A-Gift" Basket Custom-made Gift Baskets For Pets Valentine's baskets for your dog or cat start at $25 each Custom-made gift baskets for pets, for any occasion, any budget.   Can ship anywhere in the United States.  Order Now for Valentine's Day!   “Make a dog or cat happy today! For more information, visit: www.fetchagiftpetbaskets.com Or email Sonya at: sonyav@comcast.net    Now, this weeks Goodies ... Leave it to Gracie ~ Thanks to Ms. Florence Pierson Gracie Allen's Classic Recipe for Roast Beef 1 large Roast of beef 1 small Roast of beef Take the two roasts and put them in the oven.  When the little one burns, the big one is done.   Sam's will  ~ Thanks to Ms. Barbara Jones Sam died. His Will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral. As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Helen, turned to her oldest friend. "Well, I'm sure Sam would be pleased," she said. "I'm sure you're right," replied Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. "How much did this really cost?" "All of it," said Helen. "Thirty thousand." "No!" Jody exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?" Helen answered, "The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the church. The wake, food and drinks were another $500. The rest went for the memorial stone." Jody computed quickly. "$22,500 for a memorial stone?  My God, how big is it?!" "Two and a half carats.   Short and Funny ~ Thanks to Ms. Barbara Jones Every morning is the dawn of a new error.   Employee of the Month ~ Thanks to Ms. Florence Pierson     Short and Funny ~ Thanks to Ms. Barbara Jones God made man before woman so as to give him time to think of an answer for her first question.   Lena, Sven, and Ole  ~ Thanks to Prairie Home Companion Lena and Sven were in a motel room when there came a knock on the door. Lena looked through the peep-hole and exclaimed, "Oh my gosh, it is my husband Ole, jump out da window!" Sven replied, "I can't jump out da winda, we are on the 13th floor!" Lena replied, "Fool, this is no time to be superstitious!"   Dinner Blessing ~ Thanks to Mr. Richard DeBiaso A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered. The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner.   Air Force Test ~ Thanks to Mr. John Lopez The object of the game is to move the red block around without getting hit by the blue blocks or touching the black walls. If you can go longer than 18 seconds you are phenomenal. It's been said that the US Air Force uses this for fighter pilots. They are expected to go for at least 2 minutes. Give it a try but be careful ... it is addictive! The URL is http://tinyurl.com/56t9u   Driving with Grandma ~ Thanks to Mr. Tracy DeBiaso The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a honk if you love Jesus bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put in on my bumper. I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed. I found that LOTS of people love Jesus.  Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and when he leaned out of his window and screamed, "for the love of God, GO! GO!"   What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus. Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people.  I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love.  There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach... I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. When I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing, why even he was enjoying this religious experience. A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.  I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.                             Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!   Why Women Live Longer Than Men ~ Thanks to Mr. Jim Knudsen   What Marriage is all About ~ Thanks to Ms. Florence Pierson A husband ordered one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink. The old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half.  He placed one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.  He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them. As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them kept looking over and whispering.  You could tell they were thinking, "That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them."   As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table. He politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple.  The old man said they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything.    The surrounding people noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.    Again the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said "No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything."    As the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked "What is it you are waiting for?"    She answered, "The teeth."    The Motorcycle Cop ~ Thanks to Mr. Richard DeBiaso   A motorcycle cop was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, he kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch. Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn't told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up far enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.  Taped firmly across his pubic hair were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily.  Written in large black letters was the sentence:  "Get well quick ... from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week."     Minnesota vs Texas ~ Thanks to Ms. Florence Pierson A Minnesota farmer and a Texas farmer have been best buds their whole lives. One day the Texas farmer decides that he's gonna visit the Minnesota farmer. The Minnesota farmer picks up the Texas farmer at the airport and they start to cruise back to the Minnesota farmer's home. On the way, the Texas farmer looks out into the field, points and says, "What is that?"   The Minnesota farmer looks and sees a nice tom turkey. He sates, "Thats a Minnesota turkey!!" The Texas farmer says, "A TURKEY? OH, I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE  IT, THEY GET A LOT BIGGER IN TEXAS." The Minnesota farmer hears this and thinks, ok,ok bigger turkeys in Texas. A little ways down the road the Texas farmer points out to the field again and  again asks, "WHAT IS THAT?" The Minnesota farmer looks and sees a grand whitetail buck, 12 pointer, so he proudly states, "THAT'S  A  MINNESOTA WHITETAIL BUCK.  BEAUTY ISNT IT?" The Texas farmer says once again, "WHITETAIL?  THAT'S A WHITETAIL? DIDN'T  RECOGNIZE IT, THEY GET ALOT BIGGER IN TEXAS." The Minnesota farmer hears this and is getting pretty mad, everything is bigger in Texas, yea right. Well, they are going down the road a little further when the Texas farmer yells out and points, "WOW, WHAT'S THAT?" The Minnesota farmer looks and there taking up half the roadway is a snapping turtle so he looks directly at the Texas farmer and says, "WOODTICK."   Picture of the Week - Thanks to Mr. Jim Knudsen   This incredible spectacle you are about to see takes place in Versoix, a town close to Geneva City, Switzerland.  The water in the background is the Léman Lake.   Thank you for being with us in this new year.  Your contributions make this page a must stop for many.  I hope you liked what we had to offer in this issue. Your comments and suggestions are always welcome.  When you come across something funny or informative and in good taste, please send it along.  I would love to include it with your name and our thanks.  May 2007 bring you all you hope for and much more. Make it a good week, talk to those you love, and come back soon. Joanne Joanne L. Gardiner, Broker e-PRO Realtor® Advantage Realty Advantage Mortgage Associates 3205 Whipple Road - Union City, California 94587 (510) 429-4800 Our primary services in the San Francisco Bay Area are: East bay real estate,  Hayward real estate, Castro Valley real estate,  Danville real estate, Dublin real estate, Fremont real estate,  Newark real estate, Niles real estate, Pleasanton real estate, San Leandro real estate, San Lorenzo real estate, San Ramon real estate, Sunol real estate and Union City real estate. Peninsula real estate, Palo Alto real estate, Foster City real estate, San Mateo real estate, San Carlos real estate, Burlingame real estate, Belmont real estate, Half Moon Bay real estate Types of real estate in which we specialize:  houses, condominiums, townhomes, garden homes, PUDs, single family homes, mobile homes, module homes, duets, residential income property, duplexes, tri-plexes, four-plexes, small apartment complexes and special use properties.

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