~ Coffee Break ~  July, 2008 Hi Friends, As you know, Coffee Break is a little of this and that.  No one particular theme.  If you have something interesting or amusing to share please send it to me on the Contact Joanne form. Take care, stay in touch, hold good thoughts, and register to vote. ~ Joanne Your San Francisco Bay Area Real Estate Broker... and coffee lover.    Public Service Announcements Register today. Vote in November!  It takes less time to register to vote than it does to drink a cup of coffee.  Regardless what state you live in, click on the image to register. Once you register encourage your family and friends to also register to vote. Then study the candidates and issues by informing yourself beyond the catchy commercials and media hype.  These web sites are good places where you can become informed Project Vote Smart and Numbers USA   New Cell Phone Laws ~ Thanks to Mr. Rick Epps The two new cell phone laws take effect July 1, 2008 What is the difference between the two laws? The first prohibits all drivers from using a handheld wireless telephone while operating a motor vehicle. (Vehicle Code (VC) §23123). Motorists 18 and over may use a hands-free device. Drivers under the age of 18 may NOT use a wireless telephone or hands-free device while operating a motor vehicle(VC §23124). There is a lot more to these new laws.  Print out your copy of the new cell phone frequently asked questions published by the California Highway Patrol.  It could save you a ticket. Wireless Telephone Laws FAQs    Coffee Break Features... My Affair... ~ Thanks to Mr. Jim Ward I very quietly confided to my friend that I was having an affair.  She turned to me and asked, "Are you having it catered"? "And that, my friend, is the definition of 'OLD!"   Employee Placements ~ Thanks to Ms. Linda Jo Bruton How to properly place employees.  Put 400 bricks in a closed room. Put your new hires in the room and close the door.  Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours, then analyze the situation: If they are counting the bricks, put them in the Accounting Department. If they are recounting them, put them in Auditing. If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks, put them in Engineering. If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, put them in Planning. If they are throwing the bricks at each other, put them in Operations. If they are sleeping, put them in Security. If they have broken the bricks into pieces, put them in Information Technology. If they are sitting idle, put them in Human Resources. If they say they have tried different combinations, they are looking for more, yet not a brick has been moved, put them in Sales.  If they have already left for the day, put them in Marketing. If they are staring out of the window, put them in Strategic Planning. If they are talking to each other, and not a single brick has been moved, congratulate them and put them in Top Management.   Learning to read? ~ Thanks to Mr. Jim Knudsen My five-year old students are learning to read.  Yesterday one of them pointed at a picture in a zoo book and said, "Look at this! It's a frickin' elephant!" I took a deep breath, then asked... "What did you call it?" "It's a frickin' elephant!  It says so on the picture!" And so it does... "A f r i c a n Elephant" The Dog, Cat, and the Rat ~ Thanks to Ms. Merrilee DeBiaso This is a video of one of the homeless in Santa Barbara and his pets.  They work State Street every week for donations. The animals are pretty well fed and are mellow. They are a family. The man who owns them rigged a harness up for his cat so she wouldn't have to walk so much (like the dog and himself). At some juncture, the rat came along, and because no one wanted to eat anyone else, the rat started riding with the cat and often, on the c at. The dog will stand all day and let you talk to him and admire him for a few chin scratches. The mayor of Santa Barbara filmed this clip and sent it out as a Christmas card.  You gotta watch this amazing video clip!    Einstein or Monroe ~ Thanks to Ms. Linda Jo Bruton and Ms. Merrilee DeBiaso This is the craziest thing I've seen in a long time. For those of you in the 21st century (e.g. blackberry owners), you'll need to look at this on a pc. You also have to get out of your seat and walk away from your computer. People may think you're crazy. But it's well worth it. When you look at this picture up close you see its Albert Einstein. But if you stand 15 feet away, it will become Marilyn Monroe.  Give it a try.   Law of the Garbage Truck ~ Thanks to Ms. Barbara Jones One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his breaks, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was really friendly.   So I asked, "Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!" This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, "The Law of the Garbage Truck." He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. Don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.   The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so... "Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't."   Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it! Leave it to the Press! ~ Thanks to Mr. Richard DeBiaso BIKER STORY Receives New York Times Best   A biker is riding by the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings the girl to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A New York Times reporter has watched the whole event. The reporter addressing the biker says, "Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I saw a man do in my whole life." The biker replies, "Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars, I saw the kid was in danger, and did what I could for her." The reporter says, "Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist from the New York Times, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page... So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?'" The biker replies, "I'm a U.S. Marine and a Republican." The journalist leaves. The following morning the biker buys The New York Times to see if the story was in the paper and it was! The headline on the front page read: U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH. Push ~ Thanks to Mr. Jim Knudsen A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 a.m. by a loud pounding on the door.  The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. "Not a chance," says the husband. "It is 3:00 in the morning!"  He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers. "Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I did not.  It is thre o'clock in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!" "Well, you have a short memory," says his wife.  "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!" The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pouring rain.  He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?" "Yes," comes back the answer. "Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband. "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark. "Where are you?" asks the husband. "Over here on the swing," replied the drunk.   Hillbilly and the Turkey ~ Thanks to Ms. Linda Jo Bruton A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a Hillbilly carrying a wild turkey under his arm. He stopped and asked him, "Where did you get that turkey?" The Hillbilly replied, "What turkey?" The game warden said, "That turkey you're carrying under your arm." The Hillbilly looks down and said, "Well, lookee here, a turkey done roosted under my arm!" The game warden said, "Now look, you know turkey season is closed, so what ever you do to that turkey, I'm going to do to you.  If you break his leg, I'm gonna break your leg.  If you break his wing, I'll break your arm.  Whatever you do to him, I'll do to you. So, what are you gonna do with him?" The Hillbilly said, "I guess I'll just kiss his butt and turn him loose!"   Featured Pictures  ~ Thanks to Ms. Sandra Freitas The Parrot Flower - This is a flower from Thailand.  It is also a protected species and is not allowed to be exported.  This will be the only way we will be able to view this flower.        Before you go, remember your comments, suggestions, and contributions are always welcome. When you come across something funny or informative and in good taste, please send it along.  I would love to include it with your name and our thanks.  I leave you to ponder these golden words a good friend shared with me:  "The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything that comes along their way." Be happy and and come back soon. ~ Joanne Joanne L. Gardiner, Broker e-PRO Realtor® Serving the San Francisco Bay Area since Fido was a pup! Advantage Realty Clock Tower Commerce Center 3205 Whipple Road Union City, California 94587 (510) 429-4800   Our primary services in the San Francisco Bay Area are: East bay real estate,  Hayward real estate, Castro Valley real estate,  Danville real estate,  Dublin real estate,  Fremont real estate,  Newark real estate, Niles real estate, Pleasanton real estate, San Leandro real estate, San Lorenzo real estate, San Ramon real estate, Sunol real estate and Union City real estate.  The types of real estate in which we specialize are:  houses, homes, condominiums, townhomes, garden homes, PUDs, single family homes, manufactured homes, mobile homes, modular homes, duets, residential income property, duplexes, tri-plexes, four-plexes, small apartment complexes and special use properties. 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