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Coffee Break ~ May,
2008 |
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Hi
Friends,
Yesterday
when I turned on the news I thought how could the
weather be so beautiful and the economy so ugly?
 You and
I can improve things.
This
being an election year we need to vote.
You might be thinking: What's the use?
Millions
of people who felt that that way and
didn't vote in past election
years have registered and voted in the primaries or
will vote in November. Collectively they will
make a difference. Join that powerful group of
people.
Register
today! It takes less time than to drink a cup of
coffee. Regardless what state you live in, click
on the image to register.
Once
you register encourage your family and friends to also
register to vote.
Then
study the candidates and issues by informing
yourself beyond the catchy commercials and media
hype. These web sites are good places where you
can become informed Project Vote
Smart and Numbers USA
As
you know, Coffee Break is a little of this and
that. No one particular theme. If you have
something interesting or amusing to
share please send it to me on the Contact Joanne form.
Take
care, stay in touch, hold good thoughts,
and register to vote.
~
Joanne
Your San Francisco Bay Area Real Estate
Broker... and coffee lover.
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| Public
Service Announcements |
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Postage going up beginning May 12,
2008
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May 12th, 2008 New
Postal Rates |
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First-Class Mail - letter (1
oz.) .42˘ |
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First-Class Mail - letter (2
oz.) .59˘ |
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First-Class Mail - (each additional
oz.) .17˘ |
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Postcard
.27˘ |
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First-Class Mail large envelope (2
oz.)
$1.00 |
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Certified
Mail
$2.70 |
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First-Class Mail International to Canada
and Mexico (1 oz.)
.72˘ |
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First-Class Mail International to all
other countries (1 oz.)
.94˘ |
Shop
for Stamps online at the United States Postal Service
site
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New Cell Phone Laws ~ Thanks to Mr. Rick
Epps
The two new cell
phone laws take effect July 1, 2008
What
is the difference between the two laws?
The
first prohibits all drivers from using a handheld
wireless telephone while operating a motor vehicle.
(Vehicle Code (VC) §23123). Motorists 18 and over may
use a hands-free device. Drivers
under the age of 18 may NOT use a
wireless telephone or
hands-free device while operating a motor vehicle(VC
§23124).
There is a lot more to these new laws.
Print out your copy of the new cell phone frequently
asked questions published by the California Highway
Patrol. It could save you a
ticket.
Wireless Telephone Laws FAQs
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| Coffee Break
Features... |
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Attitude
Adjustment ~ Thanks to Mr. Jim Knudsen
The Garbage Truck
Approach
One day I hopped in a taxi
and we took off for the airport. We were driving in the
right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a
parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver
slammed on his breaks, skidded, and missed the other car
by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his
head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver
just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was
really friendly.
So I asked, "Why did you
just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent
us to the hospital!" This is when my taxi driver taught
me what I now call, "The Law of the Garbage
Truck."
He explained that many
people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of
garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of
disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a
place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you.
Don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them
well, and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread
it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.
The bottom line is that
successful people do not let garbage trucks take over
their day. Life's too short to wake up in the morning
with regrets, so..... "Love the people who treat you
right. Pray for the ones who don't."
Life is ten percent what
you make it and ninety percent how you take it!
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A Must Read ~ Thanks to Mr. Jim
Knudsen
15 Spectacular tricks to teach your body....
1.) If you've got an itch in your throat, scratch
your ear. When the nerves in the ear get stimulated,
they create a reflex in the throat that causes a muscle
spasm, which cures the itch.
2.) Having trouble hearing someone at a party or on
the phone? Use your right ear... it's better at picking
up rapid speech. But, the left is better at
picking up music tones.
3.) If you need to relieve yourself BADLY, but you're
not anywhere near a bathroom, fantasize about
RELATIONS. That preoccupies your brain and
distracts it.
4.) Next time the doctor's going to give you an
injection, COUGH as the needle is going in. The cough
raises the level of pressure in your spinal canal, which
limits the pain sensation as it tries to travel to your
brain.
5.) Clear a stuffed nose or relieve sinus pressure by
pushing your tongue against the roof of your
mouth...then pressing a finger between your eyebrows.
Repeat that for 20 seconds...it causes the vomer bone to
rock, which loosens your congestion and clears you up.
6.) If you ate a big meal and you're feeling full as
you go to sleep, lay on your left side. That'll
keep you from suffering from acid reflux...it keeps your
stomach lower than your esophagus, which will help keep
stomach acid from sliding up your throat.
7.) You can stop a toothache by rubbing ice on the
back of your hand, on the webbed area between your thumb
and index finger. The nerve pathways there
stimulate a part of the brain that blocks pain signals
from your mouth.
8.) If you get all messed up on liquor, and the room
starts spinning, put your hand on something
stable. The reason: Alcohol dilutes the blood in
the part of your ear called the cupula, which regulates
balance. Putting your hand on something stable gives
your brain another reference point, which will help make
the world stop spinning.
9.) Stop a nose bleed by putting some cotton on your
upper gums... right behind the small dent below your
nose...and press against it hard. Most of the bleeding
comes from the cartilage wall that divides the nose, so
pressing there helps get it to stop.
10.) Nervous? Slow your heart rate down by
blowing on your thumb. The vagus nerve controls your
heart rate, and you can calm it down by breathing.
11.) Need to breathe underwater for a while?
Instead of taking a huge breath, HYPERVENTILATE before
you go under, by taking a bunch of short breaths.
That'll trick your brain into thinking it has more
oxygen, and buy you about 10 extra seconds.
12.) You can prevent BRAIN FREEZE by pressing your
tongue flat against the roof of your mouth, covering as
much surface area as possible. Brain freeze happens
because the nerves in the roof of your mouth get
extremely cold, so your brain thinks your whole body is
cold. It compensates by overheating. ..which causes your
head to hurt. By warming up the roof of your mouth,
you'll chill your brain and feel better.
13.) If your hand falls asleep, rock your head
from side to side. That'll wake your hand or arm
up in less than a minute. Your hand falls asleep
because of the nerves in your neck compressing. ..so
loosening your neck is the cure. If your foot
falls asleep, that's governed by nerves lower in the
body, so you need to stand up and walk around.
14.) Finally, this one's totally USELESS, but a nice
trick. Have someone stick their arm out to the
side, straight, palm down. Press down on his wrist with
two fingers. He'll resist, and his arm will stay
horizontal. Then, have him put his foot on a surface
that's half an inch off the ground, like a stack of
magazines, and do the trick again. Because his spine
position is thrown off, his arm will fall right to his
side, no matter how much he tries to resist.
15.) Got the hiccups? Press thumb and
second finger over your eyebrows until the hiccups are
over - usually shortly.
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Michaelangelo's David ~ Thanks to Mr. Jim
Knudsen
After a
short stay in America, Michaelangelo's David returns to
Italy.
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Government Card ~ Thanks to Ms. Florence
Pierson
A Department of Water
representative stopped at a farm and talked with an old
farmer. He told the farmer, 'I need to inspect your farm
for your water allocation.'
The old farmer said, 'OK,
but don't go in that field over there.'
The Water representative
said, 'Mister, I have the authority of the Federal
Government with me.
See this card? The card
means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any
agricultural land. No questions asked or answered. Have
I made myself clear? Do you understand?'
The old farmer nodded
politely and went about his farm chores. Later, the old
farmer heard loud screams and saw the Water Rep running
for the fence and close behind was the farmer's
huge-horned prize bull. The bull was gaining on the
Water Rep with every step. The Rep was clearly
terrified, so the old farmer immediately threw down his
tools, ran to the fence and shouted out... "Your card!
Your card! Show him your card!"
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Atheist Holiday ~ Thanks to Ms. Sandra
Freitas
In Florida, an
atheist became incensed over the preparation of Easter
and Passover holidays. He decided to contact his lawyer
about the discrimination inflicted on atheists by the
constant celebrations afforded to Christians and Jews
with all their holidays while atheists had no holiday to
celebrate.
The case was
brought before a judge. After listening to the long
passionate presentation by the lawyer, the Judge banged
his gavel and declared, "Case dismissed!"
The lawyer
immediately stood and objected to the ruling and said,
"Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The
Christians have Christmas, Easter and many other
observances. Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and
Hanukkah... yet my client and all other atheists have no
such holiday!"
The judge
leaned forward in his chair and simply said, "Obviously
your client is too confused to even know about, much
less celebrate his own atheist holiday!"
The lawyer
pompously said, "Your Honor, we are unaware of any such
holiday for atheists. Just when might that holiday be,
your Honor?"
The judge said,
"Well it comes every year on exactly the same date --
April 1st! Since our calendar sets April 1st as 'April
Fools Day,' and considering that Psalms 14:1 states,
'The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God.'
Thus, in my opinion, if your client says there is no
God, then by scripture, he is a fool, and April 1st is
his holiday! Now have a good day and get out of my
courtroom!"
Way to go,
Judge!
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The "Y"
Generation ~ Thanks to Ms. Barbara
Jones
The
Silent generation, people born before
1945.
The Baby Boomers,
people born between 1945 and
1961.
Generation X, people born
between 1962 and 1976.
Generation Y,
people born between 1977 and 1989.
Why do
we call the last one generation Y. I did not
know, but a caricaturist explains it
eloquently below...
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Humor from the bar ~ Thanks to Mr. Richard DeBiaso
Things that are difficult to say when drunk
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon
Things that are very difficult to say when drunk:
1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
Things that are downright impossible to say when drunk: 1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type. 4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing. |
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Advice
Column from "Dear Walter" ~ Thanks to Ms. Florence
Pierson
Dear Walter:
I
hope you can help me here. The other day, I set
off for work leaving my husband in the house watching
the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile
down the road when my engine conked out and the car
shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my
husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe
my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor
lady. I am 32, my husband is 34, and we have been
married for twelve years.
When I confronted him,
he broke down and admitted that they had been having an
affair for the past six months. I told him to stop
or I would leave him. He was let go from his job
six months ago and he says he has been feeling
increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him
very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he
has become increasingly distant. He won't go to
counseling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him
anymore.
Can you please help?
Sincerely,
Sheila
Dear Sheila:
A car stalling after being
driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of
faults with the engine.
Start by checking that
there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is
clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake
manifold and also check all grounding wires. If
none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be
that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low
delivery pressure to the carburetor float
chamber.
I hope this helps.
-Walter
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Maxine ~ Thanks to Mr. Jim
Knudsen
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Words to
Ponder ~ Thanks to Ms. Sandra Freitas
Life isn’t about waiting for
the storm to
pass…
It’s about learning to dance in the rain.
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| Featured Pictures ~ Thanks to Mr. Jim
Knudsen |
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An incentive to jog...
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|
 Before you go, remember your
comments, suggestions, and contributions
are always welcome. When you come across
something funny or informative and in good taste,
please send it along. I would love to include
it with your name and our thanks.
I leave you to ponder these golden
words a good friend shared with me:
"The happiest of people don't
necessarily have the best of everything;
they just
make the best of everything that comes along their way."
Be happy and and come back soon.
~
Joanne
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Joanne L.
Gardiner,
Broker e-PRO
Realtor®
Serving the San Francisco Bay
Area
since Fido was a pup!
Advantage
Realty
Clock Tower Commerce
Center
3205 Whipple
Road
Union City, California 94587
(510) 429-4800
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