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This
Week's Coffee
Break
June 24, 2007 ~ Next
update: July 8th |
Welcome
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Our Independence Day page is
open for your enjoyment.
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| Pulic Service Announcements
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No more
keyboards! ~ Thanks to Mr. Richard
DeBiaso
Microsoft is
calling it the biggest shift in computing since it gave
up DOS commands and went to graphics. That means no more
mice, no more keyboards. It's all hands-on.
Glenn Farley
reports on this latest technology. It is
supposed to be available, commercially, by
November. I wonder if I should get wall paper that
matches the "blue screen of death" for when it
crashes?
Video: Microsoft: No More
Keyboards
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Adopt-s-Pet ~ Humane Society of
Silicon Valley
 
ROGER &
ANAKIN, Terrier mixes, 4 years old, about 15 lbs.
each
Greetings,
We're Roger & Anakin - quite a debonair
duo - and we're brothers,best buddies, and
partners-in-crime. Just think of us as a pint-sizedButch
Cassidy & the Sundance Kid. (Our only crime is
stealing thehearts of everyone we meet though!) Okay, so
I guess we're not reallydesperadoes; in fact, we're
perfect little angels. But, wedefinitely have a
Redford-Newman thing going on (if we do say
soourselves). We're devilishly handsome and quite
charming. Anakinhas a richly burnished coat, the color
of cocoa. And Roger is agorgeous creamy vanilla. As you
can see, we complement each othernicely, but we really
need YOU to make the picture complete. Wewill be just as
devoted to you as we are to each other. What wouldyou
think about doubling the fun and the love in your life
andbringing home these two heart bandits?
Do stop by and meet me, won’t
you? Like tropical trade winds, I think I’ll “blow you
away”!
Also, I qualify for the Golden
Pet Program. That means you receive special discounts
and rewards for adopting me! Just look at this: http://www.hssv.org/adoption_golden_pet.html
If you woul like to adopt Jazzy
or another pet, please call the Adoptions
Department at 408-727-3383 ext. 856
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Now, this weeks
Goodies ... |
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Yard Sale ~ Thanks to Mr. Richard
DeBiaso
A woman was taking her time browsing through
everything at a friend's yard sale, and said to her, "My
husband is going to be very angry I stopped at a yard
sale."
"I'm sure he'll understand when you tell him about
all the bargains you found," her friend replied.
"Normally, yes," she said. "But he just broke his
leg, and he's waiting for me to take him to the hospital
to have it set."
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Prizes ~ Thanks to
Ms. Florence Pierson
John the
farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had
several Hundred young layers (hens), called "pullets",
and ten roosters, whose Job it was to fertilize the
eggs.
The farmer kept records and any
rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and
was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time, so he
bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his
roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could
tell from a distance, which rooster was
performing.
Now he could sit on the porch and
fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the
bells. The
farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, and a very fine
specimen he was, too.
But on this particular morning
John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at
all! John went to
investigate.
The other roosters were chasing
pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the
roosters coming, would run for
cover.
But to
Farmer John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his
beak, so it couldn't ring. He would sneak up
on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next
one.
John was
so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the County Fair
and he became an overnight sensation among the
judges.
The
result ... The judges not only awarded old Butch the No
Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the
Pulletsurprise as well.
Clearly old Butch was a
politician in the making: Who else but a politician
could figure out how to win two of the most highly
coveted awards on our planet by being the best at
sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they
weren't paying attention.
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Broken
Bone ~ Thanks to Ms. Barbara Jones
While leading a tour of kindergarten students
through our hospital, I overheard a conversation between
one little girl and an x-ray
technician.
"Have you ever broken a bone?" he
asked.
"Yes," the girl
replied.
"Did it
hurt?"
"No."
"Really? Which
bone did you break?"
"My sister's
arm."
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Computer mind bogglers ~ Thanks to Mr. Jim
Knudsen
Have you
ever wondered what makes the arrow cursor move when
you move your mouse?
Click on the link below, wait for it to load,
and then move your cursor to the middle of
the screen.
It's a peek
inside technology that may
astound you.
This
is when computers boggle my
mind.
http://www.1-click.jp/
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Husband Humor
#1 ~ Thanks to Ms. Florence
Pierson
A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in
me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He
looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your
sense of humor."
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For The Kids
~ Thanks to Mr. Richard
DeBiaso
Doctor, Doctor I keep seeing
double.
Please sit on the couch.
Which
one?
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Doctor,
Doctor I keep seeing an insect spinning
around.
Don't worry, it's just a bug that's going
around!
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Doctor,
Doctor I think I'm a moth
Get out of the way, your in my light!
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Husband Humor
#2 ~ Thanks to Ms. Florence
Pierson
Wife: "What are you doing?"
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : "Nothing...?
You've been reading our marriage certificate for an
hour."
Husband : "I was looking for
the expiration date."
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Who's Your Daddy? ~ Thanks to Mr. John
Lopez
A married couple went to the hospital
to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the
doctor said that the hospital was testing an amazing new
high-tech machine that would transfer a portion of the
mother's labor pain to the baby's father. He asked if
they were willing to try it out. Both said they were
very much in favor of it.
The doctor set the pain transfer to
10 percent for starters explaining that even 10
percent was probably more pain than the father had ever
experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the
husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and
kick it up a notch.
The doctor then adjusted the machine
to 20 percent pain transfer.
The husband was still feeling fine.
The doctor then checked the husband's blood pressure and
was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they
decided to try for 50 percent. The husband continued to
feel quite well.
Since the pain transfer was obviously
helping the wife considerably the husband encouraged the
doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.
The wife delivered a healthy baby
with virtually no pain and the husband had
experienced none. She and her husband were ecstatic.
When they got home they found the UPS
man dead on the porch.
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Maxine on Immigration ~ Thanks to Ms.
Florence Pierson
Everyone concentrates on the
problems we're having in this country lately; illegal
immigration, hurricane recovery, wild animals attacking
humans in Florida.
Not me. I concentrate on solutions for the
problems. The result is a win-win-win situation:
+ Dig a
moat the length of the Mexican
border.
+ Send
the dirt to New Orleans to raise the level of
the levies.
+ Put the
Florida alligators in the moat along the Mexican
border.
Any other problems you
would like for me to solve today ?
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Noah
in the year of 2007 ~ Thanks to Mr. Jim
Knudsen
In the year 2007,
the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in
the
United States, and said, "Once again, the earth has
become wicked
and over-populated, and I see the end
of all flesh before me.
Build another Ark
and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good
humans."
He gave Noah the
blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark
before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40
nights."
Six months later,
the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard,
but no Ark.
"Noah!" He roared,
"I'm about to start the rain! Where is the
Ark?"
"Forgive me,
Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I
needed a building permit. I've been arguing with
the inspector about the need
for a sprinkler
system. My neighbors claim that I've violated
the
neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in
my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We
had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a
decision.
Then the
Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted
for the future costs of moving power lines and other
overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the
Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea
would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of
it.
Getting the wood
was another problem. There's a ban on cutting
local trees in order to save the spotted
owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists
that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no
go!
When I started
gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued
me. They insisted that I was confining wild
animals against their will. They argued the
accommodation was going to be too restrictive, and it
was
cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a
confined
space.
Then the EPA
ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd
conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed
flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a
complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many
minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building
crew.
Immigration and
Naturalization is checking the green-card status of most
of the people who want to work.
The trades unions
say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to
hire only Union workers with Ark-building
experience.
To make matters worse, the IRS
seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the
country illegally with endangered species.
So, forgive me,
Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to
finish this Ark. "
Suddenly the skies
cleared, the sun began to shine, and a
rainbow
stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in
wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy
the world?"
"No," said the
Lord. "The government beat me to it."
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Husband Humor #3 ~ Thanks
to Ms. Florence Pierson
Son: "Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this
morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."
Mom: "Well, you have done the right thing"
Son: "But mom, I was sitting on daddy's
lap."
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Tricky Eyes ~ Thanks to
Ms. Florence Pierson
If your eyes follow the movement of the
rotating pink dot, the dots will remain only one color,
pink.
However if you stare
at the black
"+" in the
center, the moving dot turns to green.
Now,
concentrate on the black
"+" in the
center of the picture. After a short period, all the
pink dots will slowly disappear, and you will only see
only a single green dot rotating.
It's amazing
how our brain works. There really is no green dot, and
the pink ones really don't disappear.
This should be proof enough, we don't
always see what we think we
see!
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Lost Gas Cap ~ Thanks to Mr.
Richard DeBiaso
David filled his car
with gas at a self-service gas station.
After he had paid and
driven away, he realized that he had left the gas cap on
top of his car. He stopped and looked and, sure enough,
it was lost.
Well, he thought for a
second and realized that other people must have done the
same thing, and that it was worth going back to look by
the side of the road since even if he couldn't find his
own gas cap, he might be able to find one that fit.
Sure enough, he hadn't
been searching long when he found a gas cap. He tried it
on, and it went into place with a satisfying click.
"Great," David
thought, "I lost my gas cap, but I found another one
that fits. And this one's
even better because it locks."
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| Pictures of the Week ~ Thanks to Mr. Skip
Munson |
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Livio De Marchi is the only man who drives a car
in Venice. The artist's Ferrari F50 floats on water,
enabling him to drive around his home town, much to the
delight of tourists and locals.
To see a
collection of this fabulous artist's work, click below:
Livio De
Marchi
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Before you go, remember your
comments, suggestions, and
contributions are always welcome. When
you come across something funny or informative
and in good taste, please send it along. I
would love to include it with your name
and our thanks.
I leave you to ponder what a good
friend of mine shared with me:
"The happiest of people don't
necessarily have the best of everything; they just make
the best of everything that comes along their way."
Make it a good week, be happy and and come
back soon.
Joanne
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Joanne L.
Gardiner,
Broker e-PRO
Realtor®
Advantage
Realty
Clock Tower Commerce
Center
3205 Whipple
Road
Union City, California 94587
(510)
429-4800 |
Our
primary services in the San
Francisco Bay Area are: East
bay real estate, Hayward real
estate, Castro Valley real estate, Danville
real estate, Dublin real estate, Fremont real
estate, Newark real estate, Niles real
estate, Pleasanton real estate, San Leandro
real estate, San Lorenzo real estate, San Ramon
real estate, Sunol real estate and Union
City real estate. Peninsula real
estate, Palo Alto real estate, Foster City
real estate, San Mateo real estate, San Carlos real
estate, Burlingame real estate, Belmont real estate,
Half Moon Bay real estate
Types of real estate in
which we specialize: houses,
condominiums, townhomes, garden homes, PUDs, single
family homes, mobile homes, module homes, duets,
residential income property, duplexes, tri-plexes,
four-plexes, small apartment complexes and special
use properties.
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