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~ Coffee
Break ~ May 13, 2007 |
Hi friends,
First and foremost Happy Mother's Day,
dear ladies. Even if you are not a mother I salute
you! I believe our nurturing
ways coupled with our intestinal fortitude
gears us to always be mothering someone or
something, whether that be children, spouses,
pets, etc. So, ladies, pat yourselves on the
back today. And, visit my Mother's
Day page, a tribute to you and all the other
women who grace this earth.
It is time for me to take a break.
This is my last Coffee Break for a few weeks.
While many other brokers are experiencing "too much time
on their hands," I am burning the midnight oil for
which I am very thankful.
I hope you enjoy
this week's Coffee Break. Keep sending me
your goodies for the future updates. And, while we
take a break, look at our past Coffee
Breaks.
Remember, your
participation is welcome and invited. Send us your
jokes, trivia, things to ponder, tips, and noteworthy
items. Got a suggestion? Contact Joanne ...
and be sure to tell your friends about Coffee
Break.
Take
care, stay in touch, and be
happy,
Joanne Your San Francisco Bay Area Real
Estate Broker
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| Pulic Service Announcements
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Meet Roy Beck - America's Best Friend
Click the image at the
right to watch a very enlightening video.
If you feel as I do, that immigration policies
need to be improved, tell your State Senator.
Find
your representative: http://www.senate.gov/general/contact_information/senators_cfm.cfm
What
they're saying about Roy Beck
...
"All sides can learn from Roy
Beck" Business Week
"Always balanced and never strident" Washington Post
"Compassionate, profoundly moral" Louisville
Courier-Journal
"Roy Beck's gentle tone, sympathetic to
native Americans and immigrants alike, is a welcome
contrast to the strident approach taken by most
commentators on both sides of the immigration issue"
Norman Matloff, professor
of computer science, University of California, Davis
"No one has made a better case for
immigration reductions"
Foreign Affairs
"Virtually irrefutable" New York Post
"A populist reminiscent of classic
investigative writers such as Upton Sinclair" Vernon Briggs, labor economist,
Cornell University
"Beck documents the way employers have
used cheap immigrant labor to slash pay or worsen
working conditions in blue collar jobs" Boston Globe
"Gently and in a distinctly democratic and
liberal tone of voice, Roy Beck makes the case for
returning immigration to traditional levels" Jack Miles, 1996
Pulitzer-winning author
"Raises the moral and analytical
level of the immigration debate" Herman E. Daly, ecological
economist
Visit Roy Beck's web
site: http://www.numbersusa.com/about/advisors.html
Let
Congress know how you
feel about immigration issues. Click image:

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Now, this weeks
Goodies ... |
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Official card ~ Thanks to Mr. Richard
DeBiaso
A cocky Colorado Department of Highways employee
stopped at a farm and talked with an old
farmer.
He told the farmer, "I need to inspect your
farm for a possible new road."
The old farmer said, "OK, but don't go in that
field."
The Highways employee said, "I have the authority
of the State of Colorado to go where I want. See this
card? I am allowed to go wherever I wish on farm
land."
So the old farmer went about his farm chores.
Later, he heard loud screams and saw the Department of
Highways employee running for the fence and close behind
was the farmer's prize bull. The bull was madder than a
nest full of hornets and the bull was gaining on the
employee at every step.
The old farmer called out to the state's
employee, "Show him your card!!
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Tom Rush ~ Thanks to Mr. Jim
Knudsen
Very cute song by
Tom Rush. The Remember
Song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yN-6PbqAPM
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Wise Old Indian ~
Thanks to Mr. Tom Bradshaw/bigger>/bigger>/fontfamily> /bigger>/bigger>/fontfamily> A few years ago someone browsing through the 40th
Anniversary Issue of
Reader's Digest (dated Feb. 1962) came across this reprint
from the Washington News and found it quite
interesting in light of our current debates. /bigger>/bigger>/fontfamily>
The
quote reads: /bigger>/bigger>/fontfamily> Vice
Presiden t Lyndon Johnson received the following message from a Native
American Indian Chief on a/bigger>/bigger>/fontfamily> reservation: "Be
careful with your immigration laws. We were careless with
ours. "/bigger>/bigger>/fontfamily>
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Going to
Heaven
Queen Elizabeth
& Dolly Parton meet in heaven Queen
Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the
same day and they both go before an Angel to find out if
they'll be admitted to Heaven.
Unfortunately, there's only one space left that
day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in.
The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular
reason why she should go to Heaven.
Dolly takes off her top and says, "Look at
these, they're the most perfect breasts God
ever created, and I'm sure it will please God
to be able to see them every day, for
eternity."
The Angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her
Majesty the same question.
The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her
purse, shakes it up, and gargles. Then, she
spits into a toilet and pulls the lever.
Angel says, "OK, your Majesty, you may go in."
Dolly is outraged and asks, "What was that all
about? I show you two of God's own perfect
creations and you turn me down.
She spits into a prommode and she gets
in!
Would you explain that to me?"
"Sorry, Dolly," says the Angel, "but even in
Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair - no matter how
big theyare."
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Oxyclean ~ Thanks to Mr. Jim Knudsen
Did you know that Oxi clean is 3%
peroxide?
This was written by Becky
of Indiana
"I would like to tell you of the
benefits of that plain little old bottle of 3% peroxide
you can get for under $1.00 at any drug store. My
husband has been in the medical field for over 36 years,
and most doctors don't tell you about peroxide, or they
would lose thousands of dollars."
1. Take one capful (the
little white cap that comes with the bottle) and hold in
your mouth for 10 minutes daily, then spit it out. (I do
it when I bathe.)
No more canker sores and
your teeth will be whiter without expensive pastes. Use
it instead of mouthwash. (Small print says mouth wash
and gargle right on the bottle.)
2. Let your toothbrushes
soak in a cup of "Peroxide" to keep them free of
germs.
3. Clean your counters,
table tops with peroxide to kill germs and leave a fresh
smell. Simply put a little on your dishrag when you
wipe, or spray it on the counters.
4. After rinsing off your
wooden cutting board, pour peroxide on it to kill
salmonella and other bacteria.
5. I had fungus on my feet
for years - until I sprayed a 50/50 mixture of peroxide
and water on them (especially the toes) every night and
let dry
6. Soak any infections or
cuts in 3% peroxide for five to ten minutes several
times a day. My husband has seen gangrene that would not
heal with any medicine, but was healed by soaking in
peroxide.
7. Fill a spray bottle
with a 50/50 mixture of peroxide and water and keep it
in every bathroom to disinfect without harming your
septic system like bleach or most other disinfectants
will.
8. Tilt your head back and
spray into nostrils with your 50/50 mixture whenever you
have a cold, or plugged sinuses. It will bubble and help
tokill the bacteria. Hold for a few minutes then blow
your nose into atissue.
9. If you have a terrible
toothache and cannot get to a dentist right away, put a
capful of 3% peroxide into your mouth and hold it for
ten minutes several times a day. The pain will lessen
greatly.
10. And of course, if you
like a natural look to your hair, spray the 50/50
solution on your wet hair after a shower and comb it
through. You will not have the peroxide burnt blonde
hair like the hair dye packages, but more natural
highlights if your hair is a light brown, reddish, or
dirty blonde. It also lightens gradually so it's not a
drastic change. Do be careful with this mixture it will
lighten your hair but to much of it will act as a
bleach.
11. Put half a bottle of
peroxide in your bath to help rid boils, fungus, or
other skin infections.
12. You can also add a cup
of peroxide instead of bleach to a load of whites in
your laundry to whiten them. If there is blood on
clothing, pour directly on the soiled spot. Let it sit
for a minute, then rub it and rinse with cold water.
Repeat if necessary.
13. I use peroxide to
clean my mirrors with, and there is no smearing which is
why I love it so much for this.
I could go on and
on. It is a little brown bottle no home should be
without! With prices of most necessities rising, I'm
glad there's a way to save tons of money in such a
simple, healthy manner.
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Rear View Mirror ~
Thanks Ms. Sandra Freitas

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Fishing Buddies ~ Thanks to Mr. Richard
DeBiaso
Four married guys go fishing.
After an hour, the following conversation took
place: First guy: "You have no idea what I
had to do to be able to come out fishing this
weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will
paint every room in the house next
weekend." Second guy: "That's nothing, I
had to promise my wife that I will build her a new
deck for the pool." Third guy: "Man, you
both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will
remodel the kitchen for her." They continue
to fish when they realized that the fourth guy has
not said a word. So they asked
him." You haven't said anything about what
you had to do to be able to come fishing this
weekend. What's the deal?" Fourth guy: "I
just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I
shut off my alarm, gave the wife a nudge and
said, "Fishing or Sex" and she said, "Wear
sun-screen."
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Smart Kids ~ Thank to Mr. Skip
Munson
TEACHER: Maria, go to the
map and find North
America. MARIA: Here
it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now
class, who
discovered America? CLASS: Maria.
TEACHER: John, why are you
doing your math multiplication on the
floor? JOHN: You
told me to do it without using
tables.
TEACHER: Glenn,
how do you spell
"crocodile?" GLENN:
K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L" TEACHER: No,
that's
wrong GLENN: Maybe
it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell
it.
TEACHER: Donald, what
is the chemical formula for
water? DONALD: H I
J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are
you talking about? DONALD
: Yesterday you said it's H
to O.
TEACHER: Winnie,
name one important thing we have today that we didn't
have ten years
ago. WINNIE: Me!
TEACHER: Glen,
why do you always get so
dirty? GLEN: Well,
I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
TEACHER: Millie, give me a
sentence starting with
I." MILLIE: I
is... TEACHER: No, Millie.....
Always say, "I
am." MILLIE: All
right... "I am the ninth letter of the
alphabet."
TEACHER: George Washington
not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but
also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his
father didn't punish
him? LOUIS: Because
George still had the ax in his
hand.
TEACHER: Simon, tell
me frankly, do you say prayers before
eating? SIMON: No
sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good
cook.
TEACHER: Clyde, your
composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your
brother's. Did you copy
his? CLYDE: No,
teacher, it's the same dog.
TEACHER: Harold,
what do you call a person who keeps on talking when
people are no longer
interested? HAROLD: A
teacher.
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Twins ~ Thanks to Ms.
Florence Pierson
The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came
running up to me in the Driveway just jumping for joy! I
didn't know why she was jumping for joy But I thought,
what the heck, and I starting jumping up and down along
With her. She said, "I have some really great
news!"
I
said, "Great. Tell me why you're so
happy."
She
stopped jumping and, breathing heavily from all the
jumping up and Down, told me that she was pregnant! I
knew that she had been trying For a while so I told her,
"That's great! I couldn't be happier for
you!"
Then
she said, "There's more."
I
asked, "What do you mean 'more'?"
She
said, "Well, we are not having just one baby. We are
going to Have TWINS!"
Amazed
at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I
asked her how she knew. She said...
(You're going to love this!)
"Well,
that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and they
actually had a home pregnancy kit in a twin-pack. Both
tests came out positive!
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Bambi and Thumper ~ Thanks to Mr.
Jim Knudsen
Two
of the world's most renowned shy and timid creatures
have found each other in safe companionship. Taken
through the lens of Tanja Askan, Alberta
Canada.

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Little
Johnny ~ Thanks to Ms. Florence
Pierson
A grade school teacher in
Kentucky asked her students to use the word "fascinate"
in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said,
"My family went to my granddad's farm and we all saw his
pet sheep. It was fascinating."
The teacher said,
"That was good, but I wanted you to use the word
fascinate, not fascinating."
Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family
went to see Rock City and I was fascinated."
The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally,
but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate.
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher
hesitated because she had been burned by little Johnny
before.
She finally decided there was no way he could
damage the word "fascinate", so she called on him.
Johnny said, "My aunt Peggy has a sweater with
ten buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only
fasten eight."
The teacher sat down and
cried.
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| Picture of the Week ~ Thanks to Mr. Jim
Knudsen |
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Soap Carvings

More Soap Carvings

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Before you go, remember your
comments, suggestions, and contributions are
always welcome. When you come across something
funny or informative and in good taste, please send
it along. I would love to include
it with your name and our thanks.
I leave you to ponder what a good
friend of mine shared with me:
"The happiest of people don't
necessarily have the best of everything; they just
make the best of everything that comes along their way."
Make it a good week, be happy and and come
back soon.
Joanne
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Joanne L. Gardiner,
Broker e-PRO Realtorฎ
Advantage
Realty Clock Tower Commerce
Center 3205 Whipple
Road Union City, California 94587
(510)
429-4800 |
Our
primary services in the San
Francisco Bay Area are: East
bay real estate, Hayward real
estate, Castro Valley real estate, Danville
real estate, Dublin real estate, Fremont real
estate, Newark real estate, Niles real
estate, Pleasanton real estate, San Leandro
real estate, San Lorenzo real estate, San Ramon
real estate, Sunol real estate and Union
City real estate. Peninsula real
estate, Palo Alto real estate, Foster City
real estate, San Mateo real estate, San Carlos real
estate, Burlingame real estate, Belmont real estate,
Half Moon Bay real estate
Types of real estate in
which we specialize: houses,
condominiums, townhomes, garden homes, PUDs, single
family homes, mobile homes, module homes, duets,
residential income property, duplexes, tri-plexes,
four-plexes, small apartment complexes and special
use properties.
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