Coffee Break 101 Advantage Realty, San Francisco East Bay, Hayward real estate, Union City real estate, Castro Valley real estate

~ Coffee Break 101 ~
April 22, 2007

Hi friends,

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It's been raining cats and dogs here in the San Francisco Bay Area ... Boy, do we need it! I dragged out old "Froggie" earlier today (Saturday), but by the time I made it to the driveway I decided to heck with this noise. Curling up to a fire with a book is far more fitting, so Froggie and I went back inside, he to the umbrella stand, which he hates, and me to the fireplace.

It continued to storm most of the day and evening. Sometime during the night it rained so hard it awakened me and my bed partner, Lucy. No, no, my dog Lucy. Half-awake, I stumbled down the stairs because Lucy was determined to see what was going on in her back yard.

All the while I'm thinking, gosh, if the rain keeps up some old movies and a big bowl of popcorn might be in order for Sunday afternoon. Going back to bed, my plan was set.

Wouldn't you know it, by mid-morning Sunday the rain stopped and the sun began to shine. Not just a peek through the clouds, but big bursts of sunshine, so bright I wanted to grab my sunglasses even though I was still indoors. I have some serious choices to make now; do I pull the drapes so there is no glare on the TV screen or abandon my plan?

While I go close the drapes, enjoy this week's Coffee Break. Remember, your participation is welcome and invited. Send us your jokes, trivia, things to ponder, tips, and noteworthy items. Got a suggestion?

Take care, stay in touch, and be happy,

Joanne
Your San Francisco Bay Area Real Estate Broker

Pulic Service Announcements ...

URGENT CALL TO ACTION

YOU NEED TO RESPOND TO THE
U.S. FOOD & DRUG ADMINISTRATION
BY APRIL 25, 2007
TO SAVE YOUR CHOCOLATE!

Don't Mess With Our Chocolate!

Meet Roy Beck - America's Best Friend

Click the image at the right to watch a very enlightening video.

If you feel as I do, that immigration needs to be addressed by our politicians, look up your State Senator and express your feelings.

Find your representative:
http://www.senate.gov/general/contact_information/senators_cfm.cfm

What they're saying about Roy Beck ...

"All sides can learn from Roy Beck" — Business Week

"Always balanced and never strident" — Washington Post

"Compassionate, profoundly moral" — Louisville Courier-Journal

"Roy Beck's gentle tone, sympathetic to native Americans and immigrants alike, is a welcome contrast to the strident approach taken by most commentators on both sides of the immigration issue" — Norman Matloff, professor of computer science, University of California, Davis

"No one has made a better case for immigration reductions" — Foreign Affairs

"Virtually irrefutable" — New York Post

"A populist reminiscent of classic investigative writers such as Upton Sinclair" — Vernon Briggs, labor economist, Cornell University

"Beck documents the way employers have used cheap immigrant labor to slash pay or worsen working conditions in blue collar jobs" — Boston Globe

"Gently and in a distinctly democratic and liberal tone of voice, Roy Beck makes the case for returning immigration to traditional levels" — Jack Miles, 1996 Pulitzer-winning author

"Raises the moral and analytical level of the immigration debate" — Herman E. Daly, ecological economist

Visit Roy Beck's web site:
http://www.numbersusa.com/about/advisors.html

Now, this weeks Goodies ...

Commercial Reward ~ Thanks Mr. Richard DeBiaso

At breakfast one day, I eagerly waited for John to comment on my first attempt at homemade cinnamon rolls.

After several minutes with no reaction, I asked, "If I baked these commercially, how much do you think I could get for one of them?"

Without looking up from his newspaper John replied, "About 10 years."

New Survey ~ Thanks to Mr. Richard DeBiaso

A recent survey revealed that the average American walks 900 miles per year.

Another survey revealed that the average American consumes 20 gallons of beer per year.

Conclusion: The average American gets 45 miles per gallon.

Air Traffic Controllers ~ Thanks to Ms. Linda Jo Bruton

Real (allegedly) funny air traffic controllers and pilots conversations

A military pilot had been having difficulty with smooth landings and the crew was required to make note of the exact time the plane landed at different bases. One particular landing took several bounces before staying on the ground. The crew reportedly called up to the pilot, "Which landing shall we note for the record, Sir?"
-----

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"

"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
"Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down. San Jose Tower noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."
-----

A military pilot called for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked." Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down. "Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "The dreaded seven-engine approach."
-----

Allegedly, a Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war."
-----

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."
-----

One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?" The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough for another one."
-----

Allegedly the German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They, it is alleged, not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven." The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark,... and I didn't land."
-----

Allegedly, while taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!" Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"

US Air 2771: "Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.

Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high.

Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"

Funny ~ Thanks to Mr. John Lopez

An eye doctor, a heart surgeon and an HMO executive die and are in heaven. God asks the eye doctor why he should be let into heaven, and the doctor explains to God that he helped people save or regain their sight. God says, ''Welcome to heaven, my son.''

God then asks the heart surgeon what he had done in life that should allow him into heaven. ''I saved people from death from heart attacks and heart disease,'' the doctor replies. ''Welcome to heaven, my son,'' God says.

God then turns to the HMO executive. God asked him what he was, and the man replied that he worked for an HMO. ''Welcome to heaven, my son,'' says God, ''but you have to leave in two days.''

Fast Food ~ Thanks Mr. Richard DeBiaso

The big problem with "fast" food is that it slows down when it hits your stomach. And it just parks there--and lets the fat have time to get off and apply for citizenship.

Choose ~ Thanks to Mr. Skip Munson

Though Skip didn't write this, I sure am happy that he sent it along to us. Read it. Let it really sink in. Then choose.

John is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!"

He was a natural motivator.

If an employee was having a bad day, John was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation. Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up and asked him, "I don't get it!

You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"

He replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or ... you can choose to be in a bad mood. I choose to be in a good mood."

Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or...I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it.

Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or... I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life.

"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested.

"Yes, it is," he said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live your life."

I reflected on what he said. Soon hereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, I heard that he was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower.

After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, he was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back.

I saw him about six months after the accident.

When I asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd be twins. Wanna see my scars?"

I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place.

"The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon-to-be born daughter," he replied. "Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or...I could choose to die. I chose to live."

"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked.

He continued, "..the paramedics were great.

They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read 'he's a dead man.' I knew I needed to take action."

"What did you do?" I asked.

"Well,there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me," said John.

"She asked if I was allergic to anything. 'Yes, I replied.' The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, 'Gravity.'"

Over their laughter, I told them, "I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead."

He lived,thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude... I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully.

Attitude, after all, is everything.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

Sick Leave ~ Thanks to Mr. John Lopez

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not
allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a few days off. So I hung upside down from the ceiling and made funny noises.

My coworker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing. I told her that I
was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was
CRAZY" and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What are
you doing?"

I told him I was a light bulb.

He said "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a
couple of days."

I jumped down and walked out of the office.

When my coworker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss said to her,
"And where do you think you're going?"

(You're gonna love this...)

She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!"

Late For Work ~ Thanks to Mr. Jim Knudsen

Dan was in his early 50's, retired and started a second career. However, he just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day, 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, real sharp, so the Boss was in a quandary about how to deal with it.

Finally, one day he called him into the office for a talk. "Dan, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job, but you're being late so often is quite bothersome."

"Yes, I know Boss, and I am working on it."

"Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear. It's odd though, you're coming in late. I know you're retired from the Air Force. What did they say if you came in late there?"

"They said, "Good morning, General."

Employee of the month ~ Thanks to Ms. Florence Pierson

Mujibar was trying to get a job in India. The Personnel Manager said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass
it you cannot qualify for this job."

Mujibar said, "I am ready"

The manager said, "Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green."

Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister manager, I am ready"

The manager said, "Go ahead."

Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, and I pink it up, and say, 'Yellow, this is Mujibar.'"

Mujibar now works as a technician at a call center for computer problems

No doubt you have spoken to him. I have.

Curtain Rods ~ Thanks to Mr. Jim Knudsen

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.  On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.

Then slowly, the house began to smell.  They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere.

Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked.

People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit. Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could
not find a buyer for their stinky house.

Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return
their calls. They had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going.

He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said
that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a
price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if
she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the
moving company pack everything to take to their new home. And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the the curtain rods!

I love a happy ending, don't you?

Tide ~ Thanks to Ms. Florence Pierson

Dear Tide:

I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.

What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product.

Well, gotta go, have to write to the Hefty bag people.

A Little Known Fact ~ Thanks to Mr. Jim Knudsen

At three minutes and four seconds after 2 AM on the 6th of May this year, the time and date will be 02:03:04 05/06/07.

Californians ~ Thanks to Ms. Barbara Jones

So as not to be outdone by all the redneck, hillbilly, and Texan jokes, somebody had to come up with this.

You know you're in California if:

1. Your coworker has 8 body piercing's and none is visible.

2. You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house.

3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.

4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Flower.

5. You can't remember . . is pot illegal?

6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.

7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.

8. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?

9. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.

10. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.

11. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS George Clooney.

12. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.

13. You can't remember . . .is pot illegal?

14. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH."

15. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cells or pagers.

16. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.

17. HEY!!!! Is pot illegal????

18. Both you AND your dog have therapists, psychics, personal trainers and cosmetic surgeons.

19. The Terminator is your governor.

20. If you drive illegally, they take your driver's license. If you're here illegally, they want to give you one.

Forget the pot and enjoy California!

Johnny the Bagger ~ Thanks to Ms. Claudia Kim

Occasionally I'll see or read something that bypasses my brain, and goes straight to my heart. The beautiful story of Johnny, the grocery store bagger, was one of those times.

Just click on the link below. It takes only 3 minutes to watch it. I guarantee it will make your day.

Click Here To View The Movie!

Picture of the Week ~ Thanks to Ms. Barbara Jones

World's Tallest Building? Maybe

Location: Shanghai China
Height: 1,228 meters
Floors: 300
To Be Completed : 2020

Before you go, remember your comments, suggestions, and contributions are always welcome. When you come across something funny or informative and in good taste, please send it along. I would love to include it with your name and our thanks.

I leave you to ponder what a good friend of mine shared with me:

"The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything that comes along their way."

Make it a good week, be happy and and come back soon.

Joanne

Joanne L. Gardiner, Broker
e-PRO Realtor®

Advantage Realty
Clock Tower Commerce Center
3205 Whipple Road
Union City, California 94587

(510) 429-4800

Our primary services in the San Francisco Bay Area are: East bay real estate, Hayward real estate, Castro Valley real estate, Danville real estate, Dublin real estate, Fremont real estate, Newark real estate, Niles real estate, Pleasanton real estate, San Leandro real estate, San Lorenzo real estate, San Ramon real estate, Sunol real estate and Union City real estate. Peninsula real estate, Palo Alto real estate, Foster City real estate, San Mateo real estate, San Carlos real estate, Burlingame real estate, Belmont real estate, Half Moon Bay real estate

Types of real estate in which we specialize: houses, condominiums, townhomes, garden homes, PUDs, single family homes, mobile homes, module homes, duets, residential income property, duplexes, tri-plexes, four-plexes, small apartment complexes and special use properties.