~ Coffee Break 100 ~ April 15, 2007 Welcome friends, Enjoy this week's Coffee Break.  Your participation is welcome and invited. Send us your jokes, trivia, things to ponder, tips, and noteworthy items. Gotta suggestion?  Take care, stay in touch, and be happy, Joanne Your San Francisco Bay Area Real Estate Broker    Pulic Service Announcements ... Meet Roy Beck - America's Best Friend Read what organizations say about him, then click the image at the right to watch this very enlightening video. "All sides can learn from Roy Beck" — Business Week "Always balanced and never strident" — Washington Post "Compassionate, profoundly moral" — Louisville Courier-Journal "Roy Beck's gentle tone, sympathetic to native Americans and immigrants alike, is a welcome contrast to the strident approach taken by most commentators on both sides of the immigration issue" — Norman Matloff, professor of computer science, University of California, Davis "No one has made a better case for immigration reductions" — Foreign Affairs "Virtually irrefutable" — New York Post "A populist reminiscent of classic investigative writers such as Upton Sinclair" — Vernon Briggs, labor economist, Cornell University "Beck documents the way employers have used cheap immigrant labor to slash pay or worsen working conditions in blue collar jobs" — Boston Globe "Gently and in a distinctly democratic and liberal tone of voice, Roy Beck makes the case for returning immigration to traditional levels" — Jack Miles, 1996 Pulitzer-winning author "Raises the moral and analytical level of the immigration debate" — Herman E. Daly, ecological economist Be sure to visit Roy Beck's web site: http://www.numbersusa.com/about/advisors.html   Honoring Organ Donors Every year, more than 5,000 people die while waiting for organ transplants. At present, nearly 100,000 people are waiting for a suitable organ; over 2,000 of whom are children under age 18. To honor the brave and selfless act of organ donation and to encourage others to become donors, Congressman Pete Stark has introduced HR 1764, the William H. Frist Gift of Life Congressional Medal Act. This bill would present each organ donor or his or her surviving family with a Congressional medal of honor, commemorating their compassionate act. This legislation is named for former Republican Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist – also a renowned cardiac surgeon – who co-authored this bill with me when he served in Congress. It has bipartisan support in both the House and Senate and we’re working to see that this medal becomes a reality. Email: www.house.gov/stark/contact/    Website: www.house.gov/stark   You Gotta Have Heart ~ Thanks to Mr. Jim Knudsen Since the war began I have had a special page honors Veterans and have encouraged everyone to send a thank you not to our military so they will not be forgotten.  The other day I received the following video from Jim Knudsen and just had to share it with you. Welcome Home Earth Day is April 22nd.  Are you making an Earth Day resolution to live a more sustainable life? Earth Day Sustainability is about people: How to foster a robust workforce and strong communities. Sustainability addresses innovation: How to spark it, nurture it, and protect it so the idea pipelines don't run dry. Sustainability can be a lens to focus on values: Inspired by faith, family, personal commitment... on the built environment and on markets. And, of course, Sustainability is also about natural resources: How to use, renew, and account for environmental capital. http://americanpublicmedia.publicradio.org/sustainability/    Now, this weeks Goodies ... Uh-Oh! ~ Thanks to Ms. Barbara Jones A man notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.  This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense." "So," he says, "I didn't know you were into earrings." "Don't make a big de al of it, it's only an earring," the co-worker replies peevishly. His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, "So, how long have you been wearing one?" "Ever since my wife found it in my truck."   Shrinking! ~ Thanks to A Prairie Home Companion Newsletter A lady went to the doctor. She said, "Doctor! Doctor! Help me! I'm shrinking! I'm shrinking!" The doctor said, "Madam, you'll just have to be a little patient." Computer Funnies #1 ~ Thanks to Ms. Barbara Jones Middle aged women should stay at home! ~ Thanks to Ms. Linda Jo Bruton This is really funny! Middle Aged Women   World's Easiest Quiz ~ Thanks to Ms. Florence Pierson WORLD'S EASIEST QUIZ   (Passing requires 4 correct answers) 1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last? 2) Which country makes Panama hats? 3) From which animal do we get cat gut? 4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? 5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? 6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? 7) What was King George VI's first name? 8) What color is a purple finch? 9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? 10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? Remember, you need 4 correct answers to pass. Check your answers below. ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ  1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 116 years 2) Which country makes Panama hats? Ecuador 3) From which animal do we get cat gut? Sheep and Horses 4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? November  5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? Squirrel fur 6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? Dogs 7) What was King George VI's first name? Albert 8) What color is a purple finch? Crimson 9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? New Zealand 10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? Orange (of course)  What do you mean, you failed? Me, too.   Dog in Pool ~ Thanks to Mr. Jim Knudsen This is hilarious ... and probably one of the smartest dogs on the planet Dog in Pool After Initial Judicial Review ~ Thanks to Ms. Barbara Jones A tale is told about a small town that had historically been "dry" (no alcohol sold), but then a local businessman decided to build a tavern. A group of Christians from a local church were concerned and planned an all-night prayer meeting to ask God to intervene. It just so happened that shortly thereafter lightning struck the bar and it burned to the ground. The owner of the bar sued the church, claiming that the prayers of the congregation were responsible, but the church hired a lawyer to argue in court that they were not responsible. The presiding judge, after his initial review of the case, stated that: "No matter how this case comes out, one thing is clear. The tavern owner believes in prayer and the Christians do not."              Computer Funnies #2 ~ Thanks to Ms. Barbara Jones   Ticket Please! ~ Thanks to Mr. Jim Knudsen Three women and three men are traveling by train to the Super Bowl. At the station, the three men each buy a ticket and watch as the three women buy just one ticket. "How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks one of the men. "Watch and learn," answers one of the women. They all board the train. The three men take their respective seats but all three women cram into a toilet together and close the door. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket, please! The door opens just a crack, and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The men see this happen and agree it was quite a clever idea; so, after the game, they decide to do the same thing on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip but see, to their astonishment, that the three women don't buy any ticket at all! "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed man. "Watch and learn," answer the women. When they board the train, the three men cram themselves into a toilet, and the three women cram into another toilet just down the way. Shortly after the train is on its way, one of the women leaves her toilet and walks over to the toilet in which the men are hiding. The woman knocks on their door and says,"Ticket, please." I'm still trying to figure out why men ever think they are smarter than women.   For Wine Lovers ~ Thanks to Ms. Roberta Notrangelo Finally a glass for wine lovers ... Children on Prayers ~ Thanks to Ms. Florence Pierson The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head, for a moment, before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why. "Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages, "I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon." "How come He doesn't do it?" she asked. ---- A rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, "So your mother says prayers for you each night? Very commendable. What does she say?" The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!" ----- Our son had only heard his grandfather pray at Thanksgiving, Easter, and other special occasions; when he, typically, said a long prayer over the food. One night, after a fun camp-out and fishing trip, grandfather (to our son's surprise) asked a very brief blessing on the food. With a gleam in his eye, our son grinned at his Grandfather and said, "You don't pray so long when you're hungry, do you Grandpa?" ----- During the minister's prayer, one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one of the back pews. Gary 's mother was horrified. She pinched him into silence and, after church, asked, " Gary, whatever made you do such a thing?" Gary answered, soberly, "I asked God to teach me to whistle ... and He just then did!" ----- A pastor asked a little boy if he said his prayers every night. "Yes sir," the boy replied. "And, do you always say them in the morning, too?" the pastor asked. "No sir," the boy replied. "I ain't scared in the daytime." ----- One particular four-year old prayed, "And forgive us our 'trash baskets' as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets." ----- Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away. "Johnny wait until we say our prayer." "I don't have to," The boy replied. "Of course, you do," his mother insisted. "We say a prayer, before eating, at our house." "That's our house," Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook."   Blondes and Easter ~ Thanks to Mr. Jim Knudsen Three blondes died and found themselves standing before St. Peter.  He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom of Heaven, they had to tell him what Easter was. The first blonde said, "Easter is the holiday where they have a big feast, give thanks and eat turkey." St. Peter rolled his eyes, said, "Blondes," and banished her to Hell. The second blonde said, "Easter is when we celebrate the birth of Jesus and exchange gifts." St. Peter said, "Wrong," and he banished her to Hell. St. Peter looked at the third blonde and said,  "OK ... tell me." She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples when he was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested him. The Romans hung Him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder." St. Peter was impressed.  "Verrrrry good," he said. The blonde continued, "Now every year, the Jews roll away the boulder, and Jesus comes out.  If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of basketball." St. Peter fainted. Computer Funnies #3 ~ Thanks to Ms. Barbara Jones A Little Known Fact ~ Thanks to Mr. John Lopez A Little Known Fact ... The 3 Goldberg brothers, Norman, Hyman, and Max invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17th, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97º. The 3 brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that 3 gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry  since the electric starter. Henry was curious and invited them into his office. They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car. They persuaded him to get into the car which was about 130º - turned on the air-conditioner and cooled the car off immediately. The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them 3 million dollars for the patent. The brothers refused saying they would settle for 2 million but they wanted the recognition by having a label "The Goldberg Air-Conditioner" on the dashboard of each car that it was installed in. Now old man Ford was more than just a little bit Anti-Semitic, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on 2 million Ford cars. They haggled back and forth for about 2 hours and finally agreed on 4 million dollars and that just their first names would be shown. And so, even today, all Ford air-conditioners show on the controls, the names "Norm, Hi, & Max."   Computer Funnies #4 ~ Thanks to Ms. Barbara Jones   Computer Funnies #5 ~ Thanks to Ms. Barbara Jones   Picture of the Week ~ Thanks to Ms. Sandra Freitas Mother of the Year   In a zoo in California, a mother tiger gave birth to a rare set of triplet tiger cubs. Unfortunately, due to complications in the pregnancy, the cubs were born prematurely and due to their tiny size, they died shortly after birth. The mother tiger after recovering from the delivery, suddenly started to decline in health, although physically she was fine. The veterinarians felt that the loss of her litter had caused the tigress to fall into a depression. The doctors decided that if the tigress could surrogate another mother's cubs, perhaps she would improve. After checking with many other zoos across the country, the depressing news was that there were no tiger cubs of the right age to introduce to the mourning mother. The veterinarians decided to try something that had never been tried in a zoo environment. Sometimes a mother of one  pecies will take on the care of a different species. The only orphans that could be found quickly were a litter of weaner pigs. The zoo keepers and vets wrapped the piglets in tiger skin and placed the babies around the mother tiger. Would they become cubs or pork chops? Take a look ... won't believe your eyes!     Before you go, remember your comments, suggestions, and contributions are always welcome.  When you come across something funny or informative and in good taste, please send it along.  I would love to include it with your name and our thanks.  I leave you to ponder what a good friend of mine shared with me:  "The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything that comes along their way." Make it a good week, be happy and and come back soon. Joanne Joanne L. Gardiner, Broker e-PRO Realtor® Advantage Realty Clock Tower Commerce Center 3205 Whipple Road Union City, California 94587 (510) 429-4800 Our primary services in the San Francisco Bay Area are: East bay real estate,  Hayward real estate, Castro Valley real estate,  Danville real estate, Dublin real estate, Fremont real estate,  Newark real estate, Niles real estate, Pleasanton real estate, San Leandro real estate, San Lorenzo real estate, San Ramon real estate, Sunol real estate and Union City real estate. Peninsula real estate, Palo Alto real estate, Foster City real estate, San Mateo real estate, San Carlos real estate, Burlingame real estate, Belmont real estate, Half Moon Bay real estate Types of real estate in which we specialize:  houses, condominiums, townhomes, garden homes, PUDs, single family homes, mobile homes, module homes, duets, residential income property, duplexes, tri-plexes, four-plexes, small apartment complexes and special use properties.

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